A Humorous Snapshot of My Life
Over the years I have collected some pretty funny experiences in my life. I wrote them all down in a journal.
They may not be the most profound things, but they are quite funny.
I thought I would share them with you and let you laugh at me- oooops I meant laugh with me!
- Today, while I was on stage dancing for a competition dress rehearsal, my top fell off, exposing my breasts. I was really embarrassed, but fortunately no one said anything about it. That is until a kid in the audience came up to me and said, "That was a disappointment."
- Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time.
- Today, while at my ex-girlfriend's wedding, I had to hear her explain how she met the love of her life. This happened in the four years we were dating.
- Today, I went to Stop and Shop. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake and he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items.
- Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea.
- Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal.
- Today, I was shopping, and tried on a skirt that was a size smaller than usual, thinking that I would fit in. Not only did it not fit, neither I nor the sales assistant could get it off me, because the zip got stuck. She had to cut me out of it.
- Today, I spilled loose face powder on myself while applying my make-up. My sister subsequently walked in on me vacuuming my crotch.
- Today, I woke up to an email confirming my membership to a dating site. Turns out my mother is as annoyed by my loveless life as I am.
- Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday.
- Today, I was cutting the grass, it was really hot and I fainted. I woke up to see my mom standing over me. I thought she was going to freak out and call an ambulance. Instead she said, "Good, you're up. Now you can finish."
- Today, my daughter was still acting out her teenage issues. This morning, when I told her to, "Have a nice day" she screamed at me, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
- Today, I had to sneak out of work to pick my daughter up from school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled.
Add a Comment
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Comment by Amethyst Wyldfyre on June 19, 2012 at 22:52 -
Laughing OUT loud mama - specially loved the "vacuuming my crotch" that one was a corker!
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Comment by Jana Garner on June 5, 2012 at 21:05 -
You should write a book. Those are some pretty damn funny moments!
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Comment by Heather Hay on June 5, 2012 at 11:30 -
This is HILARIOUS!
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