"incapable of producing offspring..."
There was a time when my fibroids ruled my world. It controlled every aspect of my life, my life was at the mercy of my illness. I spent two years focused on healing my body. I discovered more about self-care and healed parts of my soul through self-love. I felt that I had made peace with my situation. However, when I started considering the possibility of pregnancy, I came face to face with the reality of my potential barrenness... I wondered, how could the part of me that is supposed to be magical be so broken? How does self-love work when my body seemed to be betraying me?
There is a certain emptiness that I felt. Like a
I wondered how it would feel for other ladies who were having difficulties trying to have a baby rather than just thinking about it. How do they keep hopeful in their search for their little bundle of joy? In the midst of this experience, I felt this thought and wrote it in my journal. I'm sharing it because I believe in the idea that positive thoughts are miracles.
Touch my womb
Purify my essence
Bless me with the gift of life
The eternal gift of true love
The conclusion of a story of burning passions
Steal away the emptiness
Filter it into non-existence
Fill my womb with the miracle of life
The eternal blessing of true love
The fulfilment of a promise of devotion and affection
Caress my inner depths
Release the tensions
Brand me a goddess
The caretaker of life
wasteland, no more
barren, no more
A lullaby I will sing
I am now mother forever more
On the flip side, sometimes one needs to accept that being a biological mother is not a possibility. In this space, it is a blessing to remember that being a mother is not only about giving birth. It is about raising a child or someone. “Raising” them means lifting them up or elevating them to a higher level – a higher level of thinking, feeling and behaving. You can still live a fulfilled life by channelling the love that you would have given to your child in different ways. Love yourself more and share your gifts with the world. You could be a great wife,aunt, sister, daughter, friend, mentor, co-worker, confidant, coach, volunteer, supporter, motivator. A radiant vibrant light that blesses everyone around her.
It can be a difficult decision to stop trying to have a child. It is not something one gets over but something that one makes peace with. At some point the decision to stop trying needs to be made for our own well being and the opportunity to move on in our lives. Trying for a child, can be emotionally exhausting. If you are in this situation, it is important to reach out to a professional therapist to help with the process of exploring options and making decisions to keep you emotionally healthy.
My momentary conclusion is this; no matter the outcome we are all women. Barren or Fruitful in body, we are all valuable and wondrous creations. We show up and we uplift and elevate others with our smile, advice, generosity, kindness , compassion, reprimands, guidance and instructions. We are mothers in our spirit and in our souls. We are the force of love. We are love. Vibrant, vivid and radiant. The greatest power in the universe.