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Loving my clouds...

Updated: Sep 13, 2022

Every "cloud" has a silver lining! - Anonymous

On a bright sunshiny Sunday afternoon, I discovered that someone I had been seeing during my dating season was actually married with three children. Married for a whole 12 years and counting... You can imagine my shock! There was a new cloud in my sunshiny day! There was a new cloud trying to block my sun. There was a new cloud trying to bring havoc to my heaven ...

The funny side to this was that the discovery was more of a relief than anything else; the puzzle suddenly clicked into place. There was something about him that never sat right but I could never put my finger on it. No matter how many questions I asked or how open I was to hearing his truth from him, I never got the answers I was seeking. I had handed it over to God for answers and there I was with the answer that I had been seeking.

This kind of experience can be a challenge to navigate especially if you find yourself in love with some one who has gone to great lengths to lie to you. I think of some of the stories he told and I sit in quiet bewilderment! I was fortunate that I found out about his duplicity when I was in a new relationship but I still felt the sting of his web of lies! I also felt his cruelty and unkindness because he kept listing my inability to have children as an issue yet he already had three children! Why would he use my pain and suffering as his axe to grind?

Relationships are precious because they are meant to heal and re-invigorate our souls by opening us up to the love in us and the love all around us. They give us the space to be more of ourselves and allow our brilliance to shine through. Relationships allows God's energy of love to flow through each and every one of us and bless the world...why would one choose to dishonour this gift with duplicity?

I wished for answers to this new set of questions but somehow I knew that this was not to be; so I peacefully added this new plot twist to his story and closed his chapter in my life. I turned it all to God knowing that there is always a reason for everything. It is not my place to judge another; all I can do is hold them in God's love like God holds me in his.

I also reflected on the experience with him and I was appreciative of him and what I learnt because he was in my life. For example, his requests for conformity used to drive me insane but it led me to embracing my free spirit and individuality fully. Focusing on doing everything my way helped me become braver, more self willed, more unpredictable and creatively mischievous. I have always been willing to burn it all at anytime and start over with a courageous heart; NOW I do it with a smile in my heart. I remember once saying to him that I am here to thrive not suffer or survive and in spite of the painful incidents with him I have always thrived. My experience with him confirmed my inner strength, inner peace and self identity and I am happy to continue living my life on my own terms, in my own time and at my own pace. I became one with my inner sense of ease. Sometimes the "clouds" that you encounter bring more wholeness and purity to your existence. I now sit deeper in my own magnificence and greatness. I see my power and my strengths and I feel immense exhilaration and eagerness for life.

It could have been devastating to learn about his duplicity but I chose to see the blessing; a girl dodged a bullet! I will always wish him God's love and blessings but a man who does not choose honesty, fidelity and a true loving consideration to the one he chose and his children is sure not the one for me. A man who is irresponsible with one of the most prized possessions any man can have; a family who love him is not the one for me. Someone who is knowingly inflicting harm on others with his lies is not for me. A man who professes a love for God and his service but lives alter to this is definitely not for me.

My desire is for a man who has a deep reverence for every life. My desire is for a wise and strong man that creates with reverence. My desire is for an authentic, compassionate and heart-centred sacred connection with another and it takes a certain type of man to co-create this with; he was clearly not it. An inauthentic spirit is not one that builds a fulfilling and exhilarating relationship. So happily I hit the delete button! The standard is a loving, connected and joyful partner...

So, I end this note by saying for every cloud, choose to find your silver lining, thank God and pursue your bliss. See the clouds as a gateway to your personal heaven, the sun is right behind the clouds. I have to say that I am in love with all of my clouds; they are showing me God's love and the value of complete faith in him. My clouds also show me who I am and damn I love myself. I love who I am and who I am becoming in every second. A peaceful, loving, successful and happy human is always my goal and I am the goal.

PS: This song is an ode to this article, it's called Fade . Hope you love it.

In Love

Always xxx

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