SELFISH

Updated: May 10

“Nothing resembles selfishness more closely than self-respect” George Sand

I can come across as selfish, mean and horrid to others.


P.S. These are words that have been said to me. I had someone who broke up with me because I did not seem to need them. One said I was too independent. The other said I did not seem to need to be in the relationship. Whilst another asked if I ever missed him. I always wondered why?


I always think that I am present in every relationship. I accept their love and commit to love them back.


Coming out of the last relationship had me looking deeper into my spirit than I have ever done before. I needed to know not only that my spirit was directing me in a certain direction but also why my spirit was directing me in this direction. I would gain more clarity and certainty about who I am. Hopefully it would also help me express who I am more clearly to others in the future.


As I explored the previous relationships, there was a pattern around the ideas that I did not miss them, I did not need them, I was independent. I decided to turn the phrases from the negatives that they had said into the positives... This is what I ended up with:


I do not miss you because I am enough for me

I am secure in my gifts and my essence

Even when I falter and lose my self in self doubt

I always come back to myself

I trust that I will be happy regardless of your presence or what you do

I can feel good on my own because I have my best interests at heart

I believe in me

I love myself


I can focus on me and feel extremely good

I do not feel the need to call you every time or check on you all the time

because I trust that you can do well all by yourself

I choose you because I am open to everything that you are

The difficulties we experience will be the growth we both make for the benefit of our union or our journey to our true destinies


I admire the person that you are

I trust that the universe and the Almighty have you in their arms

I believe in you

I do not need to control you or manipulate you with demands, needs or wishes

You are free

My happiness is not on your shoulders but mine

The same as your happiness is on your shoulders not mine

When I am happy, I can bring happiness to your door

When you are happy, you can bring happiness to my door

When both meet we create an avalanche of happiness

Our team has two players that are strong on their own

Stronger together

We win together


I can live if living is without you but I would like it better if I am with you

Without you, I am still something

Without you, I am still complete

Without you, I am still powerful

Without you, I am still alive

Without you, I am still more

Without you, I am still me

Never less than

Just me ...

Bu your presence is one I welcome open-heartedly

I deeply appreciate you


Does this still mean I am selfish or does it mean that I am fulfilled? Does it mean that I am selfish or that I respect and honour both myself and the other person?

FULFILLED: satisfied or happy because of fully developing one's abilities or character.
RESPECT: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

After my mum read this post, we spoke that afternoon. She said, " this is who you are. You have always been this way. This is your honest truth. The one who truly loves you will find your quirks hilarious or think they are cute. They will not judge you. They will be alright with your mini-breakdowns. They will understand why you are the way you are. They will understand that you care deeply. " She spoke with such finality and pride, it filled my soul with the "good feeling".


She ended with, ".. now you should have no regrets for the things you have done because it is you. Now you can focus on being yourself and living more authentically rather than quizzing yourself about how other people view you. "



In Love - Always

xxx




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