"You cannot make progress without making decisions. A peacefulness follows any decision, even the wrong one."
So here is the story. When the love of my life presented his ultimatum to me, my heart broke - I felt like shards of glass were falling through my chest. I knew that ultimately, I was going to choose what was authentic to me despite how much I loved him. Choosing this path would ultimately be the straw that finally broke the camel's back. At the end of it all , I was left wondering whether there was any other way I could have dealt with it all? What do you do when negotiating or humour doesn't work anymore ?What do you do when you are caught between a rock and a hard place in a relationship? Could I have done anything differently?
When it comes to decisions in relationships, I am terrified of hurting people I care about. I absorb people's feelings easily. When someone feels good , I feel amazing! When they are unhappy, there is a melancholy... I have learnt to discipline myself ; but I do slip when someone means the world to me. The paradox of life is that you should please those you love, you can't be too selfish but at the same time you can't be too selfless. So how does one decide in this situation?
I would say that understanding what the situation represents is important. By the time you get to a rock and a hard place in your relationship, you probably have had several opportunities to make a decision on the situation. You may have chosen to ignore it, or you probably chose to wait and hoped that the situation would resolve itself with time. The reason for this is the desire to escape the "potential negative outcomes". To continue to enjoy the positives that the relationship provides or to protect the feelings of the other person. The negative characteristics of this situation include ultimatums, resentment and sabotage. In its positive space however, this is the home for communication, understanding, problem solving, freedom and growth.
My thoughts on the subject is look at the situation positively and with hope that there may be a new path opening. A path where you both work through things together or a path where you walk alone to a new experience. Picture both in your mind and find the happiness in the possible outcomes. With this positivity, share your truth with kindness, compassion but also conviction. Then let the chips fall where they may ...
Believe in the perfection of the Almighty or universal forces to hold both your best interests at heart. If the decision means that the relationship changes or your partner leaves, whilst it may be challenging - it is one that you will thrive in. The unknown need not be scary but a place of new possibility and new experiences. Heart break is not failing or losing. It is a reminder that you had been spending time away from your true destiny and it is time to release the situation,the condition or the need that was holding you back. Willingly surrender to your new path, align with your destiny, call back your happiness...
So when you are caught between a rock and a hard place in your relationship, get excited and vigilant because a change is coming. The change will bring new challenges, new experiences and new growth. Say the following phrases in meditation and get ready to experience your new life.
"It feels good to be trying something new, it feels expansive, it feels thrilling, it feels like a new adventure, it feels like my calling, I feel excited to see where this leads me."
"Decision is a risk rooted in the courage of being free" Paul Tillich
PS- On the question: could I have done anything differently? Yes - There are many things I could have done differently but I was just being myself. So, I have made peace with the situation.
In Love- Always.