“Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.”
―C.S. Lewis,The Silver Chair
Is it alright to cry about the end of the relationship? How long should I cry about the demise of my relationship?The answer to this can be simple or complicated depending on who you are. I am a "cryer"; my mother used to say cry - will you cry blood? I think she thought it would stop me from crying, I STILL KEPT CRYING! So in my case, this could go on for a while even though it is sooo inconvenient. I get my face beat to the gods, get on the train to work, I play the wrong spotify playlist and I am filled with tears. Or my friend sends me a Whatsapp voice message telling me he loves me and it will all be okay in time and I am in tears again. The only blessing though is I have now learnt a trick - tilt your head back and stare at the ceiling, do not blink AT ALL then focus on how important looking cute is to you and you may get off the train scot-free. You are welcome :-)
On a more serious note, crying is important. We express the full spectrum of our emotions through our tears. Crying is our emotional reset button. It allows us to release all the stress from the fear, anger or helplessness we’re feeling and bring the mind and body back into balance. We release resistance to change and allow ourselves to be open to the next step. Feeling better physically and clearer mentally, we can approach whatever it is that’s bothering us from a more lucid and healthy frame of mind. We also allow our body to get out of the fight-or-flight response and return to normal functioning. That means better immunity and better health.
Suppressing crying is suppressing emotion that urgently needs to be expressed, emotion so strong that it can’t be expressed in words. It’s like putting a cork in a bottle while increasing pressure inside and pretending it’s not going to explode eventually. In the case of long-term emotional suppression the explosion can happen outwardly, causing us to take uncharacteristic actions that we greatly regret later.
So the answer to question one is that it is okay and healthy to cry. It is sadness but also our spirit reaching out for a larger capacity of love for ourselves. Letting go of the past experience and surrendering ourselves to the idea of a new beginning. It's not giving up but giving in and surrendering to a new beginning. We release the old and pave way for the new. Pay careful attention next time you cry...
In relation to how long one should cry for, there is a balance that needs to be considered. If the relationship is over and you have released the past experience, most of your focus should be on the future. Why is your focus still laid at the altar of the past? Holding on to the past will hold you in limbo - why do you keep looking back? If you are a Bible enthusiast, the story of Lot's wife comes to mind. You will miss the opportunity to fully embrace the change and possibly block the new opportunities that hold the key to your destiny.
The period of crying should be embraced. I suggest writing a journal during this time. Write out why you are upset. Write out what you do not wish to experience ever again. Write out what you would love to experience and feel instead. Examples: I want to feel a love that is easy, I want a love that feels real, I want a love that is true, I want a love is freeing, I want a love that feels comfortable, I want a love that feels like love ...
Spend most of your time focused on the positive thoughts and feelings intently. Call these to you. The things that bring you joy will become more abundant and with time you will let the old relationship fade into the distance....
Instead of pain you will be grateful for the fact that the old relationship brought you closer to what you really want - a more fulfilling relationship.
PS- In case you forgot, you would have written about what you would love to experience and feel inside your journal. The clarity from journaling will mean that the next time you chose love, you will chose a partner who will align with the positive feelings you need. Giving you more of what you desire and long for.
In my situation, I was still crying two months in but it was getting less sad and more joyful as the new opportunities began to take over. I released my music to the world. I used my journal notes to start writing this blog, I made new virtual friends, I talked to new people, and I learnt to move on from the end of the relationship. I closed the chapter on us with a smile and some tears ....
To find out more about the music ,the next article is dedicated to my search for the ultimate love song. But I would love to share Fade into the Distance with you. Visit the spotify link below or visit the Carmine Rose website :
In Love - Always
Some thoughts are from the chalkboardmag.com