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Updated: May 10, 2020

Does how you date yourself tell you more about who "the one" is?

I love dating. I even date myself! I date myself by treating myself to long walks on summer days, jaunts by any water feature ( river, late, ocean, pond, waterfall etc) , a cocktail at the end of a long day, ice cream in the winter, a candle lit music session in my boudoir, a declaration of love meditation session ( I love saying nice things to myself) , a ratchet jam music session, taking myself to the cinema, flirting with myself, researching content about how to love and live better, desserts at any time of the day, surprising myself with little dates unexpectedly during the day ( I never plan most dates - I just decide on the spur of the moment) , short holiday breaks and most important buying myself gifts. I have a love for the romantics :-)

I have always believed that it is important to take the time to appreciate who I am. I spent five years on my own focusing on learning about who I am and dating myself. It has led me to a space where I can be comfortable with who I am. I am happy to share my quirks and follies. I appreciate my gifts. Falling in love with my mind, my spirit, my body, my soul has always been a source of great pleasure. Whenever I meet someone who takes me away from this feeling of love and pleasure, I always know that I need to reconsider the situation. I always enjoy dating someone who makes me feel as good as I feel when I date myself or might I dare say - even better than when I date myself!

Now that I am a little older, free and single; I have decided that the next relationship that I choose should definitely be with " the one". I have done trial and error with relationships and now not only do I know better, I am sure I know better. I think I have mentioned this before, but I will repeat it just so that the post makes sense. The history is that after the five years on my own, I was sometimes uncertain about how to navigate the new relationship that I was in. Applying understanding and wisdom into real life situations when you are knocking against another person's ego and soul can be extremely challenging, verging on torturous. There were days when I knew that we could find a better way to build and support our relationship, but I questioned myself. Despite the fact that I loved him and thought he was "the one", the new relationship came to a sudden conclusion.

After the last relationship, I want to focus my energy on strengthening my understanding of what I should experience or feel the next time I walk into the world of love and relationships. I have always been asked about what I want in another person, but I had never been able to be specific. I'm usually abstract in thought so specifics are never my thing. I am now more sure about what I want and what I do not want and I am hoping that writing this post will allow me to develop a more specific picture about what it would feel like to be with "the one"... Based on this picture, I hope to make better decisions the next time love comes around.

I hope you can tell from how I date myself that I love deep connection. This fascination has led to seven years of work to understand who I am and what brings me joy. I have a strong connection with myself and I would love to feel a similar connection with "the one". I would like to feel strong connections in emotional, intellectual, and spiritual ways. I would like our union to feel like the moment we had both been waiting for! I would love it if we learnt to share ourselves openly and freely with each other. Our connection would feel comfortable and fulfilling. It would feel like an endless ocean that has both mystery and familiarity in its waves. It would feel deep. It would feel transparent. It would feel like I am with my confidant, friend and love match all at once. It would feel like home. It would feel like family.

I have a strong motivation to be more of who I am every day. I always have a development goal for myself. I would hope that "the one" sees this as my gift but also recognises that sometimes there may be a need to save me from myself. I can be calm on the outside but turbulent on the inside. Striving for excellence means that there is a tendency to drive myself hard, but his words of comfort, gratitude and appreciation will silence my will for self-destruction. It would feel like he was an oasis from my personal storms. He would feel like my self-love meditation sessions. It would feel like he genuinely cared for me. He cared enough to love me but also lead me to safety. It would feel safe. It would feel like a blessing.

I have been described as multifaceted in some circles but essentially, I have multiple personalities, interests and I am open to new experiences. I do enjoy exploring all these options. It helps me become more of who I am everyday and it is also fun. I discover new things about myself and new ways I can live everyday. It makes me unpredictable and incredible impulsive. Some have described me as "un-serious" , whimsical and flighty. I would hope that "the one" does not stifle me or try to fit me in a box. I would hope that he understood that I needed the freedom to explore my seemingly contradictory characteristics; the same way I would for him. I would like us to feel free to express ourselves without judgement. I would hope he would understand that no matter who I can be, he would always be "the one". It would feel like real love. It would feel secure. It would be unconditional.

I can be insular, and I love spending lots of time on my own. I am more fun after I have found my centre and grounded myself. I would hope that he understood that it was not because I do not wish to spend time with him but because I need the time to recharge my batteries and explore my inner world. I would hope that my constant approval and attention was not the basis of our relationship. Once I am powered up, I would be ready to get on board with the next adventure. I would be keen to see and experience his world. It would feel like acceptance. It would feel like openness. It would feel like freedom.

I can be emotional, sentimental, sensitive, dramatic, reserved and secretive. I actually love these things in me. I feel like they make me 100% human. I would love it if he appreciated my depth, my intensity and my devotion. I would love it if he let the romance unfold naturally as if by destiny. I would love for him to feel excited about what he will discover. I would love him to feel fascinated by the versatility. Most of all I would love for him to be patient as I learn to let him into my world. I would love to feel his silent amusement as he gets to explore who I am. It would feel like peace. It would feel like trust. It would feel like fun. It would feel authentic. It would feel like mystery. It would feel like desire.

I hope exploring how it would feel to "be with the one" would give you a new way of developing your idea of the person that you would like to be with. Examining and reflecting on who you are and all the ways that you love yourself could be great insights into who "the one" could be. Take the time to learn who you are and date yourself :-)

It is important to know what you are looking for so that you can make better decisions in love and relationships. Trial and error is a kind mistress - sometimes; but not all the time. Broken hearts and broken dreams have a way of changing the soul of a person. Sometimes, the less of these you experience in life, the better.

You can listen to my idea of love in the song Love Perfection using the Spotify link below:

Some extra tips on "the one" from a Tony Gaskins talk:

In Love - Always


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