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Updated: May 8, 2020

What does older mean to you?

This is a free flow piece. I just wrote what I thought in the moment. It is my birthday tomorrow and I just wanted to note down how I felt today. In case there are any mistakes, I promise I will sort them out!

Older in my books means that I have a bank of experiences and knowledge that will keep inspiring my ability to express myself and diversify the scope of my creativity.

It means I have more tools in my belt to clearly define life goals that will fulfil my soul, challenge my spirit and ultimately get me closer to my legacy. My legacy is about love, comfort and happiness.

Growing older also means confidence in those that are close to me. It means that I have searched and built my army. They will know how to support my endeavours and to challenge me to my greatest self. They will know how to comfort me and bring me back from the brinks. They know the right way to do it without breaking my spirit or diminishing my self worth. I chose them well.

Growing older means that I have learnt that we are all co-creators in life. Everyone has a responsibility for how they personally feel and respond to a situation. It is not fully my responsibility to make another feel better. I can care deeply but I do not have to be broken for another. I do not need to be abused, bruised, disrespected or called names for my choices. I should be appreciated for having the need to speak my truth. I have a voice and I have a choice. My voice and my choice both matter. I matter ...

Growing older means that I appreciate the fact that I live by my own rules. I choose me every time. Even when I get lost and travel down the wrong path, my spirit finds me and brings me back to safety. It brings me home to my family who soothe and bring me back to life. What would I be without my family is never a question I want an answer to ...

Growing older means that I have learnt to recognise the duality and complexity of life. I understand that light and dark live together in the same space. Appreciating both sides is the balance of life. There is no clear solution to any life problem, there can only be the next right solution along with a hope for compassion, kindness and mercy. Consequences will always tell you the story about the decisions you make.

Growing older means that I have learnt that disappointment, sadness, rejection and loss are all lessons. Treasures...There is no reason on earth that will keep me from forgiving myself. I will always seek to release myself. If I am to enjoy peace, joy, balance and happiness, I need to give up the lamentations over my sins, mistakes, flaws, foibles and follies. My gifts are my Achilles heel. To live happily, I need to embrace all aspects of myself. I need to accept me everyday. My love for myself is unconditional.

Growing older means more balance. I now know the traps, the mirages, wolves in sheep clothing, the puddles, the cliffs and the swamps a little better. Wary of them I will be. My warm and open natured self will never save me from the beasts that seek to annihilate. Sooner or later, I will become prey and victim to their will. Growing older means that I will know when to play in the pen of danger and when to get walking in the opposite direction...

Growing older means that I can celebrate the path that I have travelled more eagerly. The road was long and the terrain was treacherous but victory was still mine! Whilst I may be imperfect, I am still an exquisite piece of work in progress. When a creator is creating sometimes there is a need to erase, destroy and start again. I have done this several times because I am my biggest project. I am my greatest piece of work. When you see me, you are meeting the work of my hand, my mind and my spirit. You are seeing the work of those that nurtured my soul. I stand impressed. I stand proud. I stand humbled. I am exquisite. I am rare. Let's not mess about - words could never fully define me...

Growing older means that I have done the work. I can give up the struggle. I can give up trying to control what is beyond my control. I give up confusion. I give up excuses and reasons. Trial and error season is over! I have the knowledge, the experience, a great council along with the instruction manual. I am primed and ready for delivery. Like an apprentice that has studied the master, learnt from the master and then become the master. I will celebrate every second that I can bring beauty, comfort, wonder and love into the world. There is pride and delight in the result of the work of my hands.

The gift of "the one " is still elusive. I feel that I am ready for the right one to come along. I guess my mistake has been seeing the potential in others rather than waiting for the one who is for me. My friends say that I will know when he comes. I will not need to explain myself to him. He will already recognise me. He will know that I am the one he has been looking for. He will come with insights for me, a message for me, a purpose for me. He will talk to me about who we are and who we will become with certainty. He will speak his will into me and I will believe. No matter who I am when he finds me, there will never be a doubt in his mind. He created me in his heart and his mind ; he has been waiting for me...He will wash me with his love until every part of me is filled with expansive and unconditional love. The gift and blessing that he knows he deserves. Our home will be the place he will find exquisite delight in.

On the other hand growing older means that I have learnt that every relationship I have is actually a relationship with myself. So if he takes his time, I am alright. I will fall more in love with myself. I will explore more acceptance, more balance, more adventure , more transformation... I will be more. Never less.

Growing older means that I believe in the miracle of life. Expect the unexpected always. Live in the present. Live in the moment. Enjoy every second. Thrive in every pursuit. Find bliss in the simplicity of life. Release complexity. Define your goals and work towards them with love and patience. Don't forget that love is everything. The greatest form of love is the one you give to yourself. Those who truly see you will value your difference. Remember that miracles do happen. Ask in faith then wait. These simple truths are important for we know not the future ...Tomorrow may never come.

I have been waiting for this day for soooooooo long. I had it mapped it out as the day of days. Anyone who knows me knows that I am extra sentimental about dates. I had set out 2020 as the year that I got to consolidate everything about who I was and direct it all towards my happiness. I did not know that it would feel this good. The feeling of bliss that growing older had brought me is somehow unexplainable. Not sure if unexplainable is a word but hey ! It feels like the greatest love of all, it feels like clarity, it feels like blessings are washing over my soul and soothing all the pain with sprinkles of affection, it feels comfortable, it feels like peace, it feels like a big bunch of happiness sitting in the depths of the inner most part of my being, it feels better than I actually imagined it would ever feel ...It feels like more. It feels like the " I have been waiting for you all my life moment ...."

The work has been done. All I need to do now is celebrate and keep rising and stepping into who I am called to be for as long as I live.

In Love - Always


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