Are you feeling disillusioned? Maybe you need to transform your life!
Ladies, this is a short one today. I was struck by the audacity of someone grilling me when I said NO to a request that was made. My response was, "...if I had said Yes, you would not be questioning me. I have said No and now you wish to interrogate me. Can't my No just be No? Can you not respect my choice without question?! Can you not recognise the fact that your request made me uncomfortable hence I said No?!" Very quickly, I got told that I was being irrational, unreasonable, angry, and aggressive!
It has become clear over time that many will seek to question our decisions and life choices as long as they are not in line with their requests or their wants and needs. It rarely occurs to them to wonder whether saying Yes to them would be beneficial to us or a detriment to our sanity, well-being or self -respect.
Girls are brought up with the idea that their purpose is to be pleasing to others. We are asked to be polite, gracious, kind, compassionate, loving, giving, nice .... the list is endless. We are however not often taught to use the word NO. We are taught to use it in reference to sex but not much else. We are not always taught to understand where our boundaries lie. We are not always taught how to listen to our own voices. There is a level of subservience and servitude that is filtered into our minds, our spirits, our bodies ...
We are often trained to be the tool for others pleasure, happiness, comfort and desire. Our will and desires either ignored, side-lined, shelved, questioned or suppressed. The way we look, the way we speak, the way we comport ourselves and the way we live are examples of areas that are dictated, scrutinised and evaluated in line with cultural and societal norms that are ever changing. We find ourselves living to meet the inconsistent expectations of others. Constantly shifting, changing or compromising! No wonder we are exhausted, tired, frustrated, angry, disappointed, sad, anxious and unwell. We then find ourselves ridiculed, challenged or criticised when we ask for release or ask for understanding. It is overall an unrealistic, draining and painful existence that we are encouraged to smile through and accept. Expressing any anger or discontent is frankly frowned upon.
I propose in this post that the first step to healing from this status quo is seeking and acquiring knowledge, understanding and wisdom that can transform our minds, spirits and souls! Knowledge is transformative. I have been speaking to a couple of ladies over the last couple of weeks and I have recognised that the simple things that we do every day like reading, speaking to each other, sharing and reflecting on our experiences are useful tools in achieving this. Through these avenues we begin to question and evaluate our life constructs and beliefs. We begin to challenge ourselves, our societies and our cultures. We begin to clearly define what we want and what we do not want. We begin to distinguish what works for us and what does not. We learn what serves us and makes us better people and what does not. We begin to recognise what deserves a YES from us and what deserves a NO. We begin to hear our own voices. We begin to experiment and learn how to communicate our voices - our own desires, wishes, delights, dislikes, expectations, boundaries ...
Coming from a place of knowledge, wisdom and understanding allows us to be comfortable and definitive when we say YES or NO. We are able to discuss our views and expectations in grace and curiosity. We begin to value ourselves more and stop abandoning ourselves. We recognise things that are good for us and we quickly say YES to things that are beneficial and enriching to us. We stop handing our power over to others and making choices that are detrimental to us; which are some of the sources of great disillusion! Whilst we cannot always expect to get understanding, respect and compassion from those who do not agree with us, we can protect our sanity, well-being, and self-esteem. We would consequently feel less disillusioned and disappointed in/with life and our existence. We will be more happy, confident and self-assured; which are the key elements in living a fulfilled life.
Simply put, finding useful information can transform your life. What are you waiting for? Read a book, get a coach or a mentor, commune with wise friends, join courses, explore you-tube/TED-talks, journal, test and practice what you learn, create useful habits and boundaries, express yourself confidently, ask for what you want, reject what you do not want ... Transform your life!
In Love - Always